June, 27th, 2005 Sunday(12:24pm....)

hey ya. its been another week. not a really a good one. went pubbing last nite till quite late. didnt drink much, but somehow, some memories keep flashing back. thats just full of shit. its really getting bad. i sat there, 3am, tired, exhausted, and suffocating myself with those memories that i just won't want to bring up again. I felt numb. Jestina kept asking whether i was fine. I was, i think...
woke up to a lazy sunday. you know, on those days where you just felt that you could rot on the couch infront of the tv set. but in the end, i though i wanted a breather, and so i went to the weight room once more. relentlessly pounding those cold iron. i felt my soul there. its that feeling you get when you found your soul, your true self. down on protein shakes and went to gnc to get some powder.
the day went fine, until someone spoil the whole damn day. never did you step in my shoes, never did you try to feel what i feel. you are cruel. how could you....

June, 20th, 2004 Monday(7:21pm...)

yup. thats my new toy my sis got for me this birthday except that the dial is glossy blue. someone sing me a damn birthday song pls. Its my birthday today and I'm still in office now. but not too bad, got some greetings from frens and my sis from melb. hell, talking about melb. its been a damn year since I came back from visiting my sis. missed that place. food was good, ppl were good, environment was good. think will be going there soon again. *sign* another year older, getting nearer to the 30 mark. 5 more damn years.... scary thought.
life has been bumpy these years...but it also brought me closer to the real world. made me understand and learned lessons that are inevitable and valuable. and some sayings are really really true.....
nothing can't be let go of, nothing can't be forgotten.....

June, 16th, 2005 Thursday

its been awhile since I made an entry here. well, life is getting more hectic and bad, as usual, guess I just had to live thru this shit. still looking for better job options out there, hopefully one comes by and I'll be able to get myself outta this sick and pathetic place I work in. had been able to get a better grip of myself as in emotionally and mentally. I find myself breathing more easily. Just try to look things at a more positive way and everything would seems much better. anyway, there are much more ppl that are more unfortunate than me, compared to them, I'm just going thru peanuts maybe. as the saying goes, "what does not destroy me makes me stronger". Just have to keep bashing thru those walls....

June, 6th, 2005 Monday

hell. its all coming back to me again. its all coming back. i thought i could get through it. but i never thought i was so weak. the more i tried to suppress it, the more helpless i am to it. i woke up to a cold morning at 5. sitting there like a stone and reminiscing. i don't know what brought back those events and memories. i really don't. and i could do nothing to stop them flashing back. clearly and slowly, one by one, without any premonition, they kept on repeating themselves and playing back like a record. i can't believe i'm acting like this. i know its insane. i know it crazy. i just sat there staring at the wall, as if there was a show going on. there are so much laughter and joy, so much. but why, why must it bring on the heartache after all these happy and blissful moments.

June, 2nd, 2005 Thursday

alright. enough is enough. stop using my photos in your sick blog you sick assclown. this movie poster is for your lastest show featuring you raping little boys outside your void deck under your block. I didn't tape those sick events down. t128h and LKP did. they threathened me if i don't do a poster similar to the box office blockbuster 'infernal affairs' aka ' 无间道', they are are going to reveal to my die hard fans my address and cell phone number. I have no choice you see sick ass, i just anyhow do one for them. anyway, you should thank me for personalising a poster for you. keo tio right...knn.....