shoulders like boulders

June, 23rd, 2008 Monday

2008-06-23T22:38:00.005+08:00

R.I.P. my friend...

Around 3:40am this morning, my arowana left me. It was hard for me to see it go, but i guess its better for it to go than struggling and suffering. It was pure toruture for me to watch is getting tortured by the disease and suffering, gasping for air and having occasional spasms.

It was a fighter, fighting hard for its life for an entire day. watching the eyes turn opaque and fins slowly rotting almost killed me. But i still hoped for miracles to happen and it'll be better...but i guess i'm wrong...

It had been with me for 6yrs and had been a good companion. Seeing it grow from a 2.5inch fry to a gorgeous adult aro give tremendous satisfaction. But well, at least it in a better place now. Thank you for the wonderful years my friend....*sob*

Panda Gold, Red Tail Golden Arowana

2002 ~ 2008

May, 14th, 2008 Wednesday

2008-05-14T10:06:00.000+08:00

Man...its been 1/2 a year since i last blogged. Been busy with lotsa stuffs and I don't really have the mood to blog.

work is shit and I need to relax!! apart from the routine gym visits, some retail theraphy and hang around with my love one, I got back into fishing!! it has been yeeeeaarrrrrrrsss since i last wetted my lines.

Been doing some research and heard from my die-hard fishing colleague, there's some new pay ponds at pasir ris farmway. Not pasir ris main pond/pro pond anymore?!? jeeez...I'm damn out dated liao!

these are some of the fishes i caught at the pond.

from top to bottom,

golden promfet(kim chew),

maori seapearch(hai kuay bu)

and barramundi(kim bak lor).

The thrill of hooking and fighting these fishes reminds me of the days where I would go fishing everywhere, from bedok jetty to sembawang shipyard, from pulau ubin to sentosa and even under the bridge linking harbourfront(was once world trade center) to sentosa! damn damn dangerous! and I really missed fishing in the waters of malaysia, pulau Aur on a boat. Sea fishing is so fun! you'll get a huge variety of fishes!

Speaking of fishing off pulau aur, these are some old photos of me fishing at the waters near pulau aur, hooking a Dorado, or dolphin fish(NOT dolphin lah) on live yellow tail(selar).

Fish on!!

Dorado goes ballistic

Fish damn strong! stripping off the line from my reel in an alarming rate!

more jumps from the fish

fishie tiring out itself with short bursts of runs and finally I managed to bring it near the boat

closer look at the fish

My trophy!! A 15lbs Dorado! My first Dorado. and its a bull!

part of our catch during the trip. the floor is just littered with fishes!

I fought with this stubborn dorado which refuse to succumb to its fate for 30mins! I was using light tackle for the fun and the fun was too much as for the rest of the day my arm is so sore and cramped up that I couldnt fish much.

Those were the fun days... will be going for more fishing and prawning fishing as well! it is so addictive! once you start again, you'll never stop! haha

November, 13th, 2007 Tuesday

2007-11-13T09:11:00.000+08:00

I is Southpark-ed yes i'm bored...

October, 12th, 2007 Friday

2007-10-12T13:33:00.000+08:00

Project: Kuishinbo

exactly 2 weeks ago. the 'Dream Team' gathered and went kuishinbo for a round of food annihilation. been awhile since we gathered for food and chill. was fun catching up with everyone, knowing what everyone's been up to lately. everyone made it to this gathering, including err... leong joo a.k.a. ah pui... actually he's the one who suggested for the gathering as it was near hanwei a.k.a. t128h's birthday.

let the annihilation begin!!!

grand master sexay looking super sexy devouring the tasty Opilio Crab legs...mmmmmmmmmm (pls fell free to right-click and save)

pls igonre the grotesque facial expression of that jackass on the right side of this pic, and turn your attention to where the red arrow is pointing. my fucking god...what a pair of huge muscular (read off-season) arms!!!! holy #@%*!!!

the dream team chilling at olive rest. at labrador park

the dream team doing their version of backstreet boys. ssup hoes!!!

look at grandmaster sexay in the center. simply irresistable!!

even borat agrees this gathering was fantastic! veh nice! i like!!

October, 12th, 2007 Friday

2007-10-12T13:09:00.000+08:00

Results of the Olmypia '07

Cutler won it again. but not with an impressive physique. what a shame...

Jay Cutler. Mr O '07. smooth as shit. water retention. politics got him the title, not his physique.

Victor Martinez. great physique. but not so good conditiong. but enough to take the title from cutler.

Ronnie Coleman. Big Ron's last olympia. you could see what extreme heavy training and juices had done to his body over the years. Once a great great builder. No one can touch his achievements. No one.

Dennis Wolf. Another German builder. Some say he is the future. he is good. really good. but future? i doubt.

Mark Dugdale. I had to include him here cos he is one of my fav builder. Aesthetically pleasing. Great symmetry. pleasing lines and cuts. just too different from those mass monsters nowadays. Didn't place quite well in the O, but always a great builder.

lastly, this is our beloved German Freak Mass Monster Markus Ruhl, this would be his last olmypia too as he annouced retirement after the show. He would be always remembered for bringing those freaky proportions on stage.

August, 14th, 2007 Tuesday

2007-08-14T09:28:00.000+08:00

What to do if you have a assholic ah beng neighbour?
(sorry, I couldn't help but to rant...)

Last nite after returning home from my workout, I was freaking tired, hungry and needed a shower badly. As I approached the lift at my block, all I wanna do is to get in and get home as fast as I can, but I saw this chao ah beng neighbour who stayed right beside my apartment arranging his fugly hamster's fur like hair in the closed lift and puffing his ciggarette away. Chee bye. how could anyone be so fucking inconsiderate as to fucking smoke in the lift? The whole fucking lift was filled with the ciggarette smoke and as I press for the lift door to open, he realised I was outside staring at him.
He took his fucking time to walk out and took another puff and released it into the lift again. He stared at me as if I was in the wrong disturbing him grooming himself and puffing away in the lift. He thinks by being a gangster everyone should be afraid of him. But I locked eyes with him and ask him can he not smoke in the lift. He just walked away. This motherfucker, shift into my block several weeks ago. Their whole fucking family are just a bunch of unfriendly and inconsiderate assholes that deserves to be burned in hell.
Before they shifted in, they had their contractors to do renovation work to their apartment. That was okay. But they breached the renovation period and was doing noisy renovation work on and off after one year the renovation period ended. If they were to do it in the weekdays it would probably be fine with me cos I'll be out from early morning and return home at nite. But they choose to get the contractors to do the renovation on weekends! Imagine you are having a good sleep and in the early saturday or sunday morning you were awakened aruptly thinking that you are in the midst of a war zone!
Even my dad was so annoyed and went to tell them to stop work if not we'll call the relevant authorities to handle this issue. Not long after their bloody renovation, they shifted in. There was once I saw their little boy having difficulties to lock their gate, so I offered help, but that little fucker just ignored me as if I was talking to myself! Chee bye. So young and yet so fucking rude.
A few weeks after the incident they started to shift their fucking funitures in and that was okay to me. But the best part is that they threw their carton boxes and plastic covers all over the corridor right outside my main door. Now you tell me, are they brainless assholes or what?! huh?
And most of the nites after retuning home from gym while opening my main door, I could hear their tv set's volumn so loud and clear. This makes me assume they are not just any assholes. They are deaf assholes. I bumped into them on quite a few occassions. And I also realised that they also have a hobby of staring at ppl. So all I could do was to stare back, I guess that was communication to them since they are not humans but assholes.
Well, I've thought of 3 possible solutions to my problem, but I could only choose one..hmmm...

1) Burn their flat, okay this sounds quite serious and would affect me directly as they stay right beside me

2) Ignore them, okay this sounds stupid as they would think that they overpowered you and you are afraid of them, and the best part is that they think that makes them your 'chief'...*roll-eyes*

3) Lightly maim the motherfucking ah beng, knock him unconsicious and threw him to the banglahs naked and let them have all the fun they want with him. I think this solution would work and I dun have to do the 'dirty' job...heheheh

July, 23rd, 2007 Monday

2007-07-23T09:05:00.000+08:00

SHOEZ SHOEZ SHOEZ

lately, I've caught the shoe buying disease and just kept buying shoes. Got sale mah...how to resist?? These are my recent purchases...

Timberland Torrent waterproof pull-on leather boots

Nike Trainers for hitting the weights

Asics Tiger for hitting the streets ( err...but i think i bot 1/2 a size too small...)

and my latest acquisition... Nike Oregon Waffle! On 50% off leh...

shit...I really must stop buying shoes...for now....heheheh

June, 19th, 2007 Tuesday

2007-06-19T11:30:00.000+08:00

G'dai everybordai! Me back from a 10 day short trip to Melbourne! Went there to take a break and visit my sis and to pig out!!

The trip was awesome and fun. We ate, shop, shit and sleep every single day! Weather was fucking awesome too! everyday was around 8 - 14 degrees!

These are some of the places we went during our 10 day stay there!

melbourne city street

Mount Dandenong. the view up there is awesome!

we're on the top of the worl...errr...melbourne..

it says it all...

went to Phillip Island to see the world's smallest penguins! they were cute little buggers, but unfortunately, we are not allowed to take any pictures of videos of them... :(

but we still managed to take picture with...err..one of them...

St Kilda's memorial park

view of the city from the park

The next day, we set off to a one day tour thingy to the Great Ocean Road to see the Twelve Apostles. The trip was fun, the fantastic scenery along the Great Ocean Road was second to none...

Bells Beach

errr...some other dunno what beach..but veh nice...

finally....the Twelve Apostles!

behind us are the magnificent Twelve Apostles

...err..actually left eight now due to corrosion of the destructive waves..

clearer view of the Apostles...cool!!

our next stop was the Loch Ard Gorge

we went down a flight 72 stepped stairs to view the gorge from this cave

me and the 'London Bridge'

we and the 'London Bridge'

London Bridge is falling down...falling down....

The next day, we went to the Crown Casino to have buffet for dinner!! But the buffet wasn't really that fantastic though...

At Crown Casino

Yarra River, just next to the casino

the slanted bars of the convention center

inorder not to freak you out with the stuffs we've purchased, we decided to take a pic of the receipts of our err...mini shopping spree...

at Victoria Market

fresh fruits and veges everywhere!!

and we bought a HUGE cabbage!!

our spread for our BBQ in the comfort of our own home!

and the temperature outside was only 5 fucking degrees!

Happy birthday to me!! the huge tiramisu cake was made by my sis!

a surprise birthday gift from my darling!!
it's the green lacoste polo tee i wanted to get!!! yayy!!

~the end~

heheheheh

May, 28th, 2007 Monday

2007-05-28T11:09:00.000+08:00

finally....something interesting happened last friday...stepped out of the office and i saw this.....

this cool pic is taken by my gf along the corridor of my office. this cool thing is a waterspout. NOT a hurricane...
i knew its a waterspout cos i've seen it personally before out in the sea during one of my fishing trips to pulau aur. and the one i witnessed was a twin waterspout. meaning 2 of these mofos spinning next to each other.

A waterspout is an intense columnar vortex (usually appearing as a funnel-shaped cloud) that occurs over a body of water and is connected to a cumuliform cloud. In the common form, it is a nonsupercell tornado over water, and brings the water upward. Also, it is weaker than most of its land counterparts.

a pic from the net showing a waterspout in the water

Waterspouts occur in coastal waters and are associated with usually weak, developing convective towers. They usually are F0 ( F-zero), and generally exhibit winds of less than 30 m/s. Waterspouts exist on the microscale, meaning their environment is less than two kilometers in width. While some waterspouts are strong (tornadic) like their land-based counterparts, most are much weaker and caused by different atmospheric dynamics. They normally develop in moisture-laden environments with little vertical wind shear along lines of convergence, such as land breezes, lake effect bands, lines of frictional convergence from nearby landmasses, or surface troughs. Waterspouts normally develop as their parent clouds are in the process of development, and it is theorized that they spin up as they move up the surface boundary from the horizontal shear near the surface, and then stretch upwards to the cloud once the low level shear vortex aligns with a developing cumulus or thunderstorm. Weak tornadoes, known as landspouts, have been shown to develop in a similar manner.

So in short waterspouts isn't really dangerous as its happens in the seas and doesn't move to land. and this isn;t the first time waterspouts are sighted in local waters.

Actually i saw that when i was walking to the toilet to take a dump. Met a fellow colleague from the store side and this was our conversation....

Smart Alex: whoa!! see see! big tornado! dangerous ahh...*machiam see king kong, godzilla or someother aliens...*

Me: Errr...i suppose it a waterspout. but a rather huge one. not dangerous unless you are in the sea near to it lar..*laughs*

Smart Alex: NO LAH! wat waterspud?!? its a tornado...it can move to our place you know!!! *talk with eyes big big*

Me: HUH?!?!? move to our direction? errr...no lar...wun lah...*roll eyes and proceed to take my dump*

the waterspout died off after 15mins...

May, 18th, 2007 Friday

2007-05-18T13:20:00.000+08:00

been awhile since i made my last entry, cus there's simply no fucking mood to blog. its sorta the same shit, different day kinda feeling. oh well, this is life...

You drag your tired ass from a day's work to pump out the last fibre tearing reps. You make sure you get at least 1g of protein per body pound from your hectic schedule. You are sweating heaps and panting like hell when your friends sink themselves onto the couch gagging themselves with packets of lays, ruffles and nachos. You drive the weights past failure point into numbness. Now that’s fucking hardcore. That’s what it is all about, you do it because you love it, not to get the girl, not to be the bad ass, not to take part in some sick gay pageants, not to squeeze yourself into the smallest tank tops available to 'flaunt' what you've got to create the illusion that you are huge, you train because you love to train, because it is part of your life.

March, 29th, 2007 Thursday

2007-03-29T09:14:00.000+08:00

THIS IS...errr...SPARTA??!?!?

March, 13th, 2007 Tuesday

2007-03-13T13:32:00.000+08:00

Haven't been blogging much nowadays, becos everyday its just 'same shit, different day'. oh well, couldn't complaint much though, life has been fairly good. planning for the future and career is a bitch, but you still gotta do it. especially when you see that the dreaded 30 is not too far ahead. By 30, I mean age. yes, and it suck.

Have been spending 'rationally' recently, cos I would need to save up some $$$ for the trip to melbourne in this coming June to visit my sis and her new born baby, which is due soon. But I over shot the my budget by spending a shit load on supplements I ask YDK to order for me from the states. but oh well, at least i could save abit by buying them online.

my shitty knee joints hasn't been good these few weeks. damn, i even hurt the other good leg during leg day on saturday, now, I couldn't even do half a squat, the tendons on the back of the knee feels like snapping. fuck. I think I'll skip leg day this weekend for it to heal, meanwhile, just have to keep popping that glucosamine. if it worsens, I'll have to seek medical attention.

see. this is the price you pay when you do hardcore lifting shit. joints ache, tendons sprained... my legs have alwasy been giving me problems since the day I snapped the ACL on my left knee. and blame it on TKD. excessive stretching, kicking will result in these problems.

caught the much anticipated movie, errr..I mean I anticipate it alot, 300 at GVMAX the first time past weekend with my girl. the theatre was great. it was comfy as it has alot of leg room. no, I ain't tall and i do not have long legs, but that extra space just allows me to stretch my legs when they feel cramped up. so, thumbs up for the designer.

300 is so awesome. 300 is so alpha! and not forgetting those boobies...ohhh.....

TONIGHT...WE DINE IN HELL!!!

February, 5th, 2007 Monday

2007-02-05T10:04:00.000+08:00

Shotguns make big holes, teachers forget what it’s like to learn, and the subway always smells like piss. Life is full of certain truths that are non-negotiable. When I speak about my passion for steel, my mind jumps around like a bum on fire. Hard edged? I guess so. Nice guy? I never said I was.
What about you? You got eyes on you too. Can you shrug the haters off you? I doubt so.
Can you go in any direction—North, South, East and West—and still remember you are a member of the most brutal species this world has seen? Can they defeat you? Can they beat you? There is a difference between the two, you know. I feel the eyes on me. I smell the fear on these bitches. Some talk hard, but when it’s time to get it rollin’ they’re ghosts. No matter what happens we walk hard. We eat dirt so the rest of the world knows that they don’t own hate...
And for the motherfucker who promises me the delivery of the hard earned money I borrowed you and only breathed excuses. fuck you. you know i ain't a pushover and this game ain't over. not even near. I can be a fucking prick and douchebag when it comes to pestering.
For those motherfucking pussies that i rubbed shoulders with and engage in a staredown with me. you know i can eat you alive. i'll destroy you. but i held myself together cause i don't want to spend the rest of my life in a fucking cell. if you motherfuckers ever think of laying your puny hands on me, you might as well piss in the wind. cos you're gonna get back thrice the shit you gave.
And for those reading. I don't talk big. I live to my fucking words. If you want some, come get some.

January, 30th, 2007 Tuesday

2007-01-30T08:22:00.000+08:00

fucking funny...laughed my head off...enjoy

disclaimer: no racist, not against any religion or whatsoever

January, 29th, 2007 Monday

2007-01-29T15:34:00.000+08:00

~Today~

today is a fucking boring monday
today got alot of work to finish
today i felt screwed up as i am fucking tired and i dunno why
today is the first time i blog this year
today is fucking freezing in the office
today i'm not having enough carbs
today i'm starting to down my calories
today i don't feel like working
today is a fucked up monday at work

~The End~

December, 28th, 2006 Thursday

2006-12-28T08:56:00.000+08:00

We always seem suprised when bad things happen to us. Maybe it's because we have within us a pre-programed reaction to adversity. Perhaps this reaction is what keeps mankind from extinction. In my estimation, without that built in reaction, we would already be atomic dust. I know on a personal level the need to fight through adversity is not something I observe from the sidelines. It is the very fabric of my existence. Many other people feel this way and some of them come to hate life for this reason.

At times it seems as though we are born only to be enslaved with strife and laborious toil. I submit that this is not our bond or imprisonment. It is our foundation and our legacy. Survival is the pinnacle of our acheivement. Again on a personal level, my survival is invariably linked to an instinct within me. To fight for every inch of territory though it is only dirt and rocks.

Around this time of year, I am compelled to look past the revelry and sentimentality we are bombarded with every minute of the day from all angles. I look on at the survivors of the war on humanity… Those who by our decadent standards are poor in wealth or material goods. Those who wear the struggle on their faces. You can see it in their eyes and in the way they move. They are cautious and evasive, but they are swift. They are shadows but I see them everywhere I look. I won’t name them but you know who they are, I'm sure you see them too.

The survivors know a nobility and honor most people will never feel. Take a lesson from them is what I learn… Learn from their strength and dignity. Do an extra thousand push-ups today in honor of the survivors. Do a few more sets and think of how some of us are lucky in a way to never have to be a survivor in the battle for humanity.

December, 6th, 2006 Wednesday

2006-12-08T11:03:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wished i could do this.........

cos on some freaking days like today,

you're just too worn out to drag that ass into the gym...

but i still drag mine to the gym anyway....

November, 10th, 2006 Friday

2006-11-10T11:27:00.000+08:00

Everyone's WANTED!!

came across this particular website that enable us to creat some of our very own posters, and being an extremely nice friend, i've decided to custom made some poster for my...errr....buddies... Enjoy...

he has got problems controlling his bladder ever since kp pressed so hard on his dan tian(lower abdomen)

knn...telling lies is his life

nothing wrong with what he did though...

sick, always doing what he did best....

finally its me, your very own grand master sexy beast...as usual, i'm being blamed for being extremely sexy...woooohooooo

November, 8th, 2006 Wednesday

2006-11-08T13:50:00.000+08:00

HKG Trip PartIV...pheww..finally...

some facial exercises before we had our final round of desserts at the HKG airport before we left....

location: airplane

time: 1830hrs

destination: boring s'pore.... (-_-III).....

one last look at Honk Konk...heeheehee

I'LL BE BACK!! YOU @#%$&!!

November, 8th, 2006 Wednesday

2006-11-08T13:07:00.000+08:00

HKG Trip PartIII ....

Hong Kong's legendary wan ton noodles made us go bonkers!!!

we all agree that yaokun should go to where he belongs...

super clean lavatory at The Peak..thumbs up!

my lovely sis...so nice of her to bring us around no doubt she's pregnant and tired...

that water fountain behind us stop ejecting water when we snap this...nabeh...so zhunn...

The Peak Tower

on da way up!

picturesque view from on top the peak...abit foggy though...

looking good on the top!

arrrgggghhhhh....so foggy....

taking the tram down hill to the city

we're getting in!!

wah lannn...the ride downhill is crazy shit...so steep!

November, 8th, 2006 Wednesday

2006-11-08T09:46:00.000+08:00

HKG Trip PartII...

at da cable car stn waiting for our turn!

finally...in da spacious cable car...

da cable car took us to scary heights...eeeeek!

view of the gigantic buddha statue from the cable car

jovy and the buddha

jerry and the buddha

the BIG BIG BIG BUDDHA!!! finally we reached the top!!! *panting like hell..*

taking ferry from Hong Kong island to Kowloon City

nice view of the CBD area from the ferry

looking awesome at 'tian xing' pier

i definately belong here...

all time favourite, Bruce Lee...kaachaaa....

November, 7th, 2006 Tuesday

2006-11-07T13:43:00.000+08:00

HKG Trip

Went to Hong Kong near the end of last month to meet up with my sis there for a shopping and eating spree. Expect the weather to be much cooler as they are moving into winter but the weather is as shitty as it is in s'pore. Everyday was spent gobbling down awesome tons of delicacy but I didn't really put on much weight, thanks to the shopping cardio we did. Its my 3rd trip to Hong Kong and it has been 3yrs since I last visited Hong Kong, but nothing much has changed...especially the noisy ppl there...they just couldn't stop yakking...

at changi airport early in da morning...

in da plane...

finally reached HK, indulging ourselves on the desserts...

wah lan...how to resist???

cannot tahan liao, must eat first!!

me again, eating away again... check out my swelling lips...its the result from...

THIS FREAKING POT OF 'MA LA' STEAMBOAT!!

mountains after mountains...at ngong ping cable car stn going to lantau island

looking good at the cable car stn

October, 3rd, 2006 Tuesday

2006-10-03T10:13:00.000+08:00

CUTLER IS MR OLYMPIA!! FINALLY!!

Here are some pics of the my fav competitors of the 2006 Mr Olympia!

The German Mass Monster, Markus Ruhl, looking good this year

Checkout those sick delts!!

Loudest mouth of bodybuilding, Gustavo Bardell agrees that he looked like a complete joke this year.

A loud mouth doesn't win you the sandow! Big disappointment!

The Blade Dexter Jackson. superb conditioning. crazy cuts.

Check out those abs and serratus!! insane!

Posing as Moses didn't guarantee Ronnie Coleman his 9th win...

An angry Moses didn't helped either....

nevertheless, Ronnie is HUGE and sick!

But obviously his bloated gut was sticking out a little bit too much...

Jay Cutler. incredible. ridiculous. lights out, wide as movie screen rear lats spread!

He looked just as awesome from the front lat spread!

Hitting a classic pose. Check out the sick conditioning! super dry! look at those seperations!

Jay Cutler. The new Champ! 2006 Mr. Olympia! Yayy!

September, 5th, 2006 Tuesday

2006-09-06T11:46:00.000+08:00

its been awhile since i've wrote something here. well, life had been busy and good past few weeks. and time really flies. its been a year since i joined the company i'm currently in now. lotsa good and bad times here, lotsa ppl come and ppl go, but i guess, thats just life. incase you ppl out there missed me, especially yaokun, you can download my pic for keeps...but err...i know what you'll do with me pic in the bathroom...

looking good where ever i go

August, 18th, 2006 Friday

2006-08-21T11:28:00.000+08:00

Friday late night outings

For the past 2 consecutive fridays, t128h, ydk and me met up a couple of hours before midnite to wander around without any proposed destination. its been awhile since we did that. it was rather fun and relaxing. what else can be better than chillin' out on a late friday nite with a few good buddies? As usual, being full of shit and nonsense, we took weird and sick pics everywhere we set foot on. here's a pictorial recap of the places we went, and the events that took place... hehehe

the bitch on the left and the hunk on the right

sick lunatic posing up for a shot, luckily i save this pic by guest appearing behind...

the faggot, the ice cream and the mickey mouse...

nabeh, act cute...

puking tau hway...

we're too sexay for our bodies...

t128h wanna be like me...chey...

hit some pose..hit some pose...

airport is where we went...

sick lunatic on the loose again...

stay tuned...more sick actions coming up..heheh

friday nite nonsense continues....

2006-08-21T11:10:00.000+08:00

July, 28th, 2006 Friday

2006-07-29T00:00:00.000+08:00

STENGLISH II

Alright boys and girls, it time for another interesting lesson of Stenglish. After countless annoying and sickening meetings with my boss, more new vocabs are being uncovered. On many occasions, I had to clench my fists hard and bite on my tongue to restrain myself from bursting out with laughter at his, err… good English. And on some occasions, I had to pop panadols until my headache subside from trying to figure out what the fuck he is trying to relate. Below are some interesting examples;

- I not care
- Not say can-lot loo
- I loon care
- Can be larn
- Could be happen (used over million times)
- Loon ar-giu
- I said what you loo what
- Er-ree-ree
- Not teeng can-lot
- Poh-see-lear
- Sai
- Lum-ber
- Quan-tee-tay-tee
- Its tuuuuu you low
- Ex-pi-like

Interesting isn’t it? Couldn’t figure out what the fuck the above means? Ok, take a pen and a paper, try writing down what you think the correct answer should be and match it with the actual words it means I’m gonna give you below…..

- I don’t care
- Don’t say that it couldn’t be done
- I don’t care
- Can be done
- It can happen
- Don’t argue
- You do what I told you to do
- Already
- Don’t think it cannot be done
- Procedure
- Size
- Number
- Quantity
- Its true you know
- Expedite

So how well did you score?

July, 17th, 2006 Monday

2006-07-17T23:39:00.000+08:00

Today

~ Once upon a time there is Today....

Today is Monday
Today is a bad day
Today my boot's sole got ripped off...knn....
Today freaking busy at work, thanks to that chee bye stephen
Today i found out my boss really left his balls at home everyday
Today i was fucking pissed by that chee bye stephen
Today i work like a storeman no doubt i am an engineer
Today i also went to squat at gym
Today i fried my thighs
Today...so tired
Today is a fucked up day

~The End~

July, 11th, 2006 Tuesday

2006-07-12T00:06:00.000+08:00

went to villa bali on saturday to chill after our dinner at simpang bedok. nabeh, bought a giordano 'you talking to me?' tee for kun, i thought he would really like that cos he told me once he doesn't have any giordano printed tees and really love to have one! So, being an extremely nice fren, i fucking spend my precious time and go searching for that elusive giordano 'me' collection tee, but alas!! the 'me' collection are not available anymore, so being so smart, i suppose he likes any giordano tee that have the word 'me' printed on it. so i happily bought the 'you talking to ME?' tee, and after he got it, he doesn't seemed happy! kan nin nah... i angry har... then we, or rather i spend 1hr coaxing him to wear it....and my tactic worked...hehhe...

nevertheless, this might well be the greatest chill out session we had, ever!

below are some pics we took, enjoy;

i stabbed him to death after he said something bad about the tee i bought for his birthday.....arrrggghhh....DIE!!!

we are the dancing kings...lalalala better than E-Honda...hehehe
the ground..the sky..the ground..the sky..nabeh, i'm getting dizzy...

coolest ever

July, 3rd, 2006 Monday

2006-07-03T23:48:00.000+08:00

its a sick monday again and the air around the office is so stale and bad that i felt nausea and dizzy. damn. i think i need to buy a mini air purifier to keep me breathing and alive in the office. work was as usual, busy, busy and more busy. the appraisal was out and what the fuck, i'm graded a low B, damn. that m*ther f**king c**k sucking boss of mine deserve to be damned to hell. loads and loads of bullshit from him explaining why in the blue hell he graded me this way..blah..blah..blah. Fuck, he even said i was good and to him, i already scored very high! to hell with him! that m*ther f**ker deserved to be gangraped by blangahs! but whats done cannot be undone, nabeh, just had to live with it, maybe it high time i reconsider staying in this place...

the weekend was great however. me and my darling ate jap buffet till we feel like puking! caught superman returns after that stomache bursting buffet. the computer generated effects were good, the actor was cool, the actress not that pretty and the kid was cute!! but the movie was a classic yet chessy one. not many fighting scenes though.... and what i think is that that guy looked abit skinny to be superman, but he really do looked like christopher reeves at certain angles.....

darling looking good in her new zara ' and so it is' tee at genki before the annihilation of the sushi starts.....

me looking good in my new zara 'dangerous rabbit' tee! heng ahh..managed to find and fit into its XL...some joker told me he bought size M, nabeh, he think he very small size, i burst some of the thread and almost tore the size L while taking it off in the fitting room lor...

so hungry that she had to eat her lips while waiting for the food...

and i almost ate my tongue....

and when i say 'eat big to grow big', i literally mean it!

June, 24th, 2006 Saturday

2006-06-24T00:28:00.000+08:00

the past week was an extemely cool week cuz the showstopper, jerry, turned 26(....sign....) on tuesday, the 20th!

was kinda busy at work, but everything had been going on well. so, i guess there isn't much to whine over at work, but, except some usual stupid instructions from my boss to follow.
took a day off on tues' to sorta celebrate with my sweetheart. and it was undeniably the most awesome day!
working out at gym was good too. squatted on monday, supersetted chest and back on wednesday, and fried shoulders, traps and arms on thursday. being able to feel the pump allover the body again was good, really good.
i wasn't as big as before, as freaky as before, but i'm quite happy with what i am now. i felt healhtier, lighter and breath more effortlessly. i still wanna be big, but not to the extend of what i am used to be. at 82, i think just a couple more kilos of muscle would be fine and nice.

coolest pair of jeans!!

birthday present from my sweetheart

June, 14th, 2006 Wednesday

2006-06-14T08:49:00.000+08:00

STENGLISH

Dear all, I would really like to take this opportunity to introduce another type of hybrid english to you guys. Somewhat similar to 'Singlish', its consists of the usual 'lar', 'leh' and 'lor'. But the screwed up thing is that it makes you wreck your brains trying to understand and figure out what the fuck the person who use 'Stenglish' is trying to relate. Pls do not attemp to talk to people who use 'Stenglish' if you are short tempered. You will end up walloping that guy for good.

Here's a perfect example:

In the midst of a meeting, my boss is trying to stress on a certain important point to us, it goes;

Boss: Eh, Not think not por-si-ber har! Could be happen!

All of us: *awkward silence* *blur*

Can youactually figure out what the fuck he is trying to say? alright, I shall be nice and enlighten you, he is trying to say, "don't think its impossible, it can happen".
Nabeh, its amazing that he can communicate with my angmoh big boss using his superb english. no wonder everytime after my angmoh big boss talked to him, he frowned and looked disgusted.
And you know why its called 'Stenglish'? cos he, the originator of the language is named Stephen. you can bet there's more to come...stay tuned....

<---- this smiling a**hole here is my boss, also known as Stephen don't be fooled by his looks.the old saying, ' looks can deceiving really
applies here. sometime ago, this mofo actually blurted something sick
to me after he shook one of a female colleague's hand. he said; " warrhhh...
her hand hor...soft like toufu leh...." and he looked damn tee koh when he
said that lor...nabeh...freaking sick right...*pukes*

June, 6th, 2006 Tuesday

2006-06-06T23:12:00.000+08:00

In this morning, as i was busy popping pill after pill into my mouth, my mum stared at me with concern and popped some questions...

mum: di, are you not feeling well? (looked very worried)

me: err..yea...ERR...NO!! why? (still quite blur...)

mum: then why are you taking medicine? (still very concerned)

me: har?!? what medicine? no lar...its my vitamin pills...(couldn't bother to explain what is tribulus, glucosamine...etc)

mum: how come vitamins have to take so many? i only take 1 to 2 tablets...

me: err...for bodybuilding purposes..aiyah, take liao grow big big muscles one lah...(popping the last tablet..)

mum: har?!?!? what grow big big? grow so big for what? you take steroids ah?!? (stared at me suspiciously...)

me: no lah!!!! siao ah!?!? (rushes off to work)

the 'vitamins' i take every morning

you see, i couldnt' really blame my mum for being suspicious about me taking those shit load of pill and tablets... and i'm repeating it day after day without fail...

21st, May, 2006 Sunday

2006-05-21T22:45:00.000+08:00

just came home from a coffee session with a 'super model' fren (pukes & shrudders as i type this line), at a comfy kopi tiam. at last i've got my trioxalon 500 from him and i could up up up my testosterones again!!! that means more muscles on their way!! damn! he could have passed me that a month ago!! but nehmind, i shall forgive him because i'm ever so forgiving.

the previous week was an extremely cool week with all the chillin and eating around going on with my family and my girl. especially me and my girl get to spend some really good and quality time together like eating 20 bucks worth of jap food by just paying 10bucks!! muahahah...all of us had some really enjoyable moments together, thats the power of being together as a family i guess. but good moments with my 2nd sis and bro-in-law didn't lasted really long, they flew back to mel on wednesday nite and all of us are missing them like hell.

and what made the week really cool was i didn't had to go back office on 2 days cos i'm having a 3D drafting course at tanjong pagar!! that means i don't have to listen to all that bullshit from my boss! whew! but i do miss my girl much though. come this week, i will have to go for another day of this short course, that means only escaping from office for 1 day, well, better than nothing rite?!?!

this week, i shall step foot once again to that sacred, mirrored room full of dumbells and barbells and plates again. i shall punish myself with those endless sets and reps again. i shall chase that elusive pump again. i shall torch the gym again......

coolest family

May, 13th, 2006 Saturday

2006-05-13T15:42:00.000+08:00

Was kinda busy these few weeks with lotsa things happening!! but most of them were good! really good. =)
best of it all was spending time, be it long or really short, with the one thats special to you. =)
to make things really good, my beloved 2nd sis is back from mel!! and her special mission here with my bro-in-law, were to be the no. 1 gluttons in spore. and true enough, they ate from day till nite, like there's no tomoro!! nah...ahah, its just that its been quite sometime since they had the local 'delicacies' here. and my job is to eat with them....*sign*....there'll be endless hours of cardio for me in the gym...but who gives a fuck!?!? i want to eat and i like to eat!! especially with my loved ones around!!
damn, my elbow still hurts quite badly after the stupid heavy bench with little warmups... tendonities suck. and they made me suck at the gym. need it to be good soon, real soon.....
this past week was awesome, with a long weekend, we really enjoyed ourselves to the fullest! we shopped and ate, shopped and ate. i tells yous...it is oh so good!
now... i'm abit tired and abit sleepy and abit hungry...damn, i need my protein....*crawls like a wounded soldier to the protein tubs....*

April, 29th, 2006 Saturday

2006-04-29T01:52:00.000+08:00

Its a thursday evening after a day of tiring work and I was pumpin out reps after reps of dumbell curls with 20kg dumbells and sweat was literally drippin off my arms and face. I've never felt better. I've never felt closer to high. The pump and cramps you get after the sets were insane. My friend stared at me in disbelief.

" Nabeh, you getting bigger again...you look bigger than before..", and I replied, " No lah, same what, just the lactic acid rush that creates the pump..." and he goes, " I think if you were to die, I can feed your corpse to those famine countries and I think the village can eat you for a week...", and I went, " KNN...I shaft the barbell up your ass if you don't stop your crap...".

After the ass busting sets, I took and closer look at myself...hey, I did grew...thats why even the instructor there commented I looked like I'm on roids. But hey, thanks for asking, I don't need roids. Roids are for the weak.

My day ended, and I left the gym with sweat on the bench, stares from gymmers, and a pair of pumped, sore and totally useless shoulders and arms....

April, 23rd, 2006 Sunday

2006-04-23T23:38:00.000+08:00

The ninety-nines and the one

Those ninety-nines... That’s what I call ‘them. Always, ninety-nine out of a hundred people can’t fathom what I do. They just couldn't get that shit in their brain. They scratch their heads, can’t believe my kind of dedication to the things I do. Many don’t even think I have a life. I mean, what the F? But I don't blame them. I've learnt to understand them.
This is what I have chosen. This is the road I’ve taken, with all the potholes, bumps, and turns. The ninety-nines, they can’t commit 100% to being their best, to step up one day and stand tall among the greats. But by defining these ninety-nines, I found the one. The one that could understand and bother to listen. And I believe that the one I've found will provide me with the strength to do whatever I'm doing and do better.

April, 16th, 2006 Sunday

2006-04-16T17:09:00.000+08:00

Its a sunday, and i guess it isn't that sunny afterall. its pouring like mad outside now. heaven sorta knew how i felt, and feel the same as i do, i guess.... still thinking it must have been a real bad dream, but, here i stand, right in the face of reality and i gotta be 10times stronger than i used to be, i guess...

But just maybe, this is the path i have to go through in my life, and there might be more obstacles and heartbreaks to come, i don't know... but if the guy up there wants me to go through all these because he thinks i should, i'll say, : 'so be it'. and maybe, : 'bring it on' or just maybe one day when i had enough, : 'screw you'.
running through the songs i had in my machine, i came across and played the number by Tony Rich, its called Nobody Knows. and it blends so well with how i feel and the rain outside the window now.... it goes something like...

I carry a smile when I'm broken in two
Now I'm nobody without someone like you
I'm tremblin' inside, and nobody knows it but me
I lie awake, its a quarter past three
I'm screamin' at night
As if I thought you'd hear me
My heart is callin' you
And nobody knows it but me
How blue can I get
You could ask my heart
But like a jigsaw puzzle its been torn all apart
A million words couldn't say just how I feel
A million years from now you know I'll be lovin' you still
The nights are lonely
The days are so sad
And I just keep thinkin' about
The love that we had
And I'm missin' you
And nobody knows it but me......

April ,15th, 2006 Saturday (2:04am...)

2006-04-15T02:03:00.000+08:00

就让我忘记, 再回到过去...欺骗自己比较容易....
我好想醉身海, 里远离风风雨雨...拔掉我心上所有呼吸....
怎知我情深似海, 全都是泪来灌溉...困陷在感情深渊不能醒来....
原本应该的完美, 就差那么一点点...我所爱的居然让我流泪....
你教我怎么相信昨天存在...
背着我满腔苦水...珍惜, 真心, 还不是一滩泪水....
我的爱怎会如此苦味...眼前的路竟如此漆黑...
寒风吹散了最后的枯叶, 心都碎....
连爱你都不会纠缠苦追, 一场大雨下得, 下得都不退....

April, 1st, 2006 Saturday

2006-04-06T00:12:00.000+08:00

This was another awesome evening spent with my ex-colleagues from TRIMECH. TRIMECH really sucked, but these guys were fantastic people. its been awhile since we had dinner together. went for a buffet at a kopitiam in AMK, food there were rather good. we ate till we almost puke.... afterwhich we went to villa bali to chill. i quite like the ambience there and the crowd wasn't rowdy. had some red wine and we chilled till the clock strikes 12.

coolest bunch of freaks

March, 31st, 2006 Friday

2006-04-06T00:11:00.000+08:00

This is one of the coolest way to end a week at work. had dinner with my colleagues at maxwell hawker center and followed by a round of throat busting karaoke session! we sang none stop! even when we felt sleepy, we just kept on going! amazing isn't it?!? what else more can you ask for when you have a bunch of incredibly cool colleagues(of course i'm the coolest one around) around you?

coolest colleagues on ktv rampage

March, 25th, 2006 Saturday

2006-04-06T00:05:00.000+08:00

THE ULTIMATE DREAM TEAM!!!

YOU CAN COUNT ON US!

WE WILL BE THE ONLY ONES

LEFT TO SAVE THE PLANET

WHEN GODZILLA ATTACKS!

March, 25th, 2006 Saturday

2006-03-25T02:54:00.000+08:00

came across this shit when browsing for bodybuilding stuffs... and I laughed my head off....

and it really happens sometimes...ahahha...

March, 20th, 2006 Monday

2006-03-20T22:11:00.000+08:00

I WANT TO DECLARE THAT TODAY IS A TOTALLY FUCKED-UP MONDAY !!!!!!!
don't ask why. its so, cos jerry said so! and jovy freakin' tore my world apart.................arrrggggghhhhh

March, 19th, 2006 Sunday

2006-03-19T00:46:00.000+08:00

RIDICULOUS!!!! how on earth could anyone grow that size forearms!!!???!!

Thats just insane!! he even have peaks on them!!!! its just unbelieveable..........

People ask us why we attempt something that seems so hard on the human body, that no one in their right mind would ever conceive? Answer: Because we can. We know we are different. We know that we strive for physical perfection. We like to be different.

People such as myself like going to the gym everyday, busting our asses, workout after workout, rep after rep, to see change… To see improvements the likes of which most people only dream of. damn it you know what I am talking about. You look at yourself everyday in the mirror and say to yourself, “I want my arms to be bigger, I need them to be bigger,” or “My back needs to be wider.” You don't stand there and hope that you will change everyday. You don't close your eyes and dream. You go and do something about it. You desire change so you bust your balls in the gym.

This is a one man journey. There are no teammates on a field with you so that if you fuck up, someone is going to save your ass… Doesn't work that way. You fuck up, it is your fault.Like Arnold said in “Pumping Iron,” it's like an orgasm. Unlike football or baseball, you have to have your own motivation. If you want to give up and not train, fuck it, that is fine with everyone else… No one else gives a shit, nobody cares… Only you. You stand alone with no one else, win or lose.

I could also say that sometimes you want the feeling that you are doing something that other people cannot do. Let's be honest, you may be humble, but it is always good to pat yourself on the back from time to time. You sweat, eat, and live this shit. Why not take advantage of a good feeling that you get once you have reached the pinnacle. Remember you bust your ass in something that most people see no need to do and you don't do it just to say that you're a bodybuilder. You do it because you are made for it, love it, and want more of it. Fuck 'em… It is out of envy when people look at you and make comments, good or bad, because deep down they know, they don't have the heart, ball sack or the discipline to look the way you do, truth be told.

It is an addicting shit. You train to be better. It is such a motivating feeling that words cannot describe it. It is an unexplainable phenomenon of the human psyche. One may never truly understand why we grow to love this shit.

So the next time when someone asks me that million dollar question, here's a possible answer: Mind your fucking business. Or, if you really want to know, grow a set and try it sometime.

March, 10th, 2006 Friday

2006-03-11T02:13:00.000+08:00

someone had asked me whether my rear lat spread is still as wide. and so, i decided to snap a shot and make some comparison. the width didn't really increase, but i did bring the lats down lower to the waist, which was good i think. the left photo i was weighing at around 90kg, and the right one 82kg. so i guess i didn't really loose much of the muscle mass while dieting with low carbs.

coolest rear lat spread

March, 7th, 2006 Tuesday (11:19pm....)

2006-03-07T22:53:00.000+08:00

MY TIME IS NOW

Sitting in the damn office all day long cranking out daily work for a paycheck. Eight to ten hours a day given to someone else in exchange for money. Time in my life that I will never get back.

Watching the clock, pushing my self five. The gym is where I get that time back, one set at a time. Pushing myself beyond what I thought my limits were. Thirty second sets one after the other, that's time given back to me. This time spent is not for my family or my rich ass boss or the girl on her cell phone next to me. These minutes are mine. Only I can use this time not to make money to pay the fucking bills, this time is spent paying the dues owed when you push that last forced rep.

A minute at a time, each plate, each rep gives me back my life that I give away to others everyday. The sounds of the freaking clanging of the cold iron blot out everything from the hours past.

The fatigue sickness in my stomach keeps me going like a machine, rep after rep, set after set, minute after minute, telling me I am alive and this is my time. When the sets are done and I can give nothing more, its time for me to return to the life given to others. I will return the next day to claim the minutes that are mine....

This is Animal, and it lives inside me every minute, every hour, everyday.

February, 26th, 2006 Sunday

2006-02-26T23:32:00.000+08:00

Had started to diet and cut down on carbs. and only taking low GI carbs like sweet potatoes...isn't a really nice thing to eat day in day out, but i guess thats the price to pay to look shredded. and you definately won't feel good when you are munchin on the mud like piece of orangy root, and your colleagues around you are busy
gobbling down nasi briyani with mutton curry, laska, oily chicken rice, and fried noodles...
but thru my 'perseverence', i managed to loose 2kg and 1.5" 'round my waist in 10 days time. and i start to get to see myself gettin more lean in the mirror. but still have a long shit way to go, cuz i need my abs!!!!

It was helluva week at work. More and more projects comin' in, which i personally see as a good sign...but, pls...not too much of it. busy is good, but not over-loaded. one of my colleague(SL) is leaving us and my team was kinda sad, i could feel it, but everyone's just hidding and no one shows it. he was one of the crappiest colleague that i've ever had. always full of nonsense, always full of shit. we decided to give this guy sorta a farewell dinner and we went for steamboat buffet at tan quee lan st.

food wasnt too good, but the people(us) and the atmosphere(we created) was awesome. everyone ate till they almost puked. and we were the coolest around...........

February, 16th, 2005 Thursday

2006-02-17T00:26:00.000+08:00

time flys and its already 5months since i left the previous mother-fucking-god-damned company to join another company with better prospects for myself. I must say that this is really nice place to work in.
Other than those super irritating operator aunties, most of the colleagues there are quite cool. especially my senior, i really didn't expect someone of he age would and could be as, if not, more crappy than i am. damn! i would have to head-lock and pile drive him to stop his nonsense.
next crappy award would have to go to the god of gambler wannabe jiew hu kia in my team. he make funny noises like me, except i better than him, he thrash talk whole day long! and i love it. damn! these ppl are just as sick as i am!

coolest engineers on the planet

Febuary, 11th, 2006 Saturday

2006-02-11T09:33:00.000+08:00

hell, the past week was freaking busy at work. lots and hell lotsa projects!!!! arghhh!!!! but the good thing is that i set the deadline for them...hahah...so, at least i'm in some freaking control over the matter!! anyway, there must be some reasons that i'm the most sought after mechanical design engineer, right!?!!? don't laugh, i'll slap the shit out of ya!

what contributed to being moody everyday was that i'm on a low carbs diet.(for those who don't understand what low carbs is, low carbs is low carbohydrate..you bunch of ignorant fools)And what low carbs will do to you? it'll make you weak, lethargic and fucking moody. you'll feel like having 10 industrial air conditioners blowing at you in the gym while working out. and forever fear of the weight crushing on you, cos you know that the fact that you will be weak with low carbs in your diet.

and the best part is that when you are almost dead in the gym after those endless grueling sets, you have to do cardio.......and i fucking did them 30mins per session continuously for 5 days. after that you can proudly annouce that you are a tough S.O.B. at the same time, you are pronounced 3/4 dead.

and the week before was great with CNY around. went to mount faber on a late friday night with a few of my greatest buddies to chill. was a nice place. view was great. crowd wasn't rowdy. we were the coolest around.(notice our singlets, shorts and slippers)

coolest people on the planet

January, 30th, 2006 Monday

2006-01-30T11:04:00.000+08:00

恭喜发财！

yay....its chinese new year again...yay...can eat alot again...yay...happy like fuck again......enjoy your new year everybody!!!

January, 22nd, 2006 Sunday

2006-01-22T23:44:00.000+08:00

The whole of last week was fucking crappy. Time during work seemed to be frozen. Every damn minute seemed like an hour. Well, maybe it was the withdrawal symptoms from the ' every week got one holiday' mood. cos the past freaking 3 weeks we have to work for only 4 days per week!

ok, enough of whinning around. Friday was fun as me and my colleagues have some after work activities. the only spoiling part was the freaking manager was joining us...... we ate jap food and went for a session of bowling. yes. you didn't heard me wrong. BOWLING. I think I am better at removing bowels rather than bowling. Damn. I couldn't even find a ball that fits my fingers. and all the damn balls seemed too light.

You know, you should have seen me bowl. I made grass filed obselete for shot putting. Now you can shot put indoors! ahaha.. just crapping around... I was so damn bad in the game that I lost to a female colleague who played it for the first time. and I felt like killing myself. I felt so damn bloody tired of the stupid game that I released the damn ball so forcefully that it striked the pins, hit the barrier behind the pins and bounced back right into the bowling lane. my colleagues couldn't believe what they had witness and all of them was soon found hugging their own abdomen and laughing their silly heads off (this includes the female colleague and my boss).

Today is rather crappy too. felt weak but still dragged my ass into the gym to squat the hell outta myself. the squats went really deep and rock bottom today. it felt great but not the last set. I was stuck at the bottom of the 1st rep. and i thought i ripped my glutes apart.... the legs now are fried..won't be able to walk properly tomorrow for sure....

Read somethin' in the net just now, was is something so real, was really cool. those who are hardcore trainers will appreciate and understand this funny article;

"Being a bodybuilder, while no doubt one of the nobler and more challenging endeavors in athletic culture, has some drawbacks--many of which are comical to the inhabitants of normal society. Just some of the little things can prove to be a pain in the arse. Dressing oneself can be taxing. For example, taking a tight t-shirt off can be an awkward looking struggle. Also, fixing your collar or tying a tie… Not so easy. Sometimes bending over to put on your shoes can provide a nice little head rush. With the constant influx of nutrients often to the point of force feeding also comes consequences. Eating and drinking like a bodybuilder brings with it the enjoyable frequent bathroom trips, gaseousness and the fun little stuff like having your butthole bleed from frequent wiping—always a good time. There are the little joys, like having to ball up your pillows into twisted knots in order to compensate for the extra distance between your shoulder and your head when laying on your side or waking up with your arms numb from cutting off your circulation with your own mass while you sleep—nothing as pleasurable as the fleeting sensation of dead limbs. These are some tiny insights… Bizarre, often inexplicable occurrences in the bodybuilder’s daily life. Insanity. But there is a thin line between the insane and the genius, between the profane and the divine."

January, 13th, 2006 Friday

2006-01-14T01:47:00.000+08:00

要伤心多久我才能看透

离开你多久手才会放松

是否我在你的心里还有一点痛

爱情随风心彻底放纵让自己疯

还隐隐作痛

还记得你笑容

这回忆多么沉重宁愿没有过

还隐隐作痛

还看见你放手

这回忆多麽美丽刺痛我心头我心头

January, 9th, 2006 Monday

2006-01-10T00:25:00.000+08:00

[mOt-&-'vA-sh-n]

Into the second week of 2006 and things are sorta getting good for me. projects after projects for me to bury my damn head in and make a mark for myself this year. I see it as a challenge, a chance to prove my ability again ans make 'em choke.

I heard many clowns making resolutions after resolutions and never fullfiling them. c'mon be realistic. have dreams, but realistic dreams. i don't fucking make resolutions. i don't need them. the only thing in life now to me is to live life the way i want it to be and no more living to other's expectations, not anymore.

I don't need any form of external source of motivation. I self-motivate. People who really know me well knows I'm a player in this game. I can fucking self motivate myself till the extend my friends call me psycho. I'm not psychotic. Its a display of will power. Anyone can, if they have enough will power. so, screw all those fuck shit motivation talks and seminars. I don't need others to tell me how I should live my life.

We are all born with a certain amount of weight to drag around. Some pull more than others. Some get dragged down and never have a chance to grow strong. Others are surrounded by a good team and given the tools they need to survive. Sometimes you can slide through certain situations using wit and reason. Other times you have to fucking throw down to get a little respect and elbow room.

No one can make right the wrongs done to you, and no one cares to even if they could. C'mon, we all have motivation, after all, no one could get out of bed in the morning without it. The real question is, motivation to accomplish what?

December, 31st, 2005 Saturday

2005-12-31T09:58:00.000+08:00

the last day of the year

Well, guess what. The year is coming to an end. This is the last day of this freaking year. You know, as the New Year approaches, the day of reckoning is upon us. Screw the mindless impulse of a hundred broken resolutions. You know you hear that shit all the time, 'losing a couple of pounds' or 'running a 5k...' That shit is freaking child's play. Don't insult me and yourself with all that bullshit.

Scream to yourself. '2006. Step up or get stepped on'. Yeah, thats more like it. The time is here to wipe the slate clean and attack your goals. Screw the waiting and hesitating, forget doubt and insecurity. At work or in the weightroom, the stacks of unfinished projects and the piles of rusty iron plates, your destiny awaits you.

In your dreams--the detailed, vivid ones that you don't talk about at cocktail parties, your future lies in wait. It is a matter of splashing some cold water on your face, staring into the mirror and realizing that time will pass, opportunity will fade, and your day will never come if you don't take the bull by the fucking horns...

Today. Be in the mix, be a player in the game and whatever shit you are tasked upon on. Immerse yourself in the process. There is no time as valauble as the present moment, no mission more crucial than the task at hand. With this approach, and a solemn internal pledge to never let your dream die on the vine, you can be unstoppable. Screw all the disappointments of the past. I had my enormous share of that shit. The day is here. The time is now.

looking good again at yang ming shan (taipei)

December, 24th, 2005 Saturday

2005-12-24T14:03:00.000+08:00

was out of town for the whole of prevoius week. took a 4hrs SIA flight to taiwan-taipei. and i was really shocked to see that the standard of the stewardess drop so drastically. i mean, they looked okay but i do strongly feel that there are surely local girls that looked tenfolds better then them. enough of the flight, or rather fright. touched down at taipei at around noon and the weather there was far from cool. its freaking cold.

looking good at zhong zhen ji nian tang - taipei

went straight to the hotel and threw all the luggages there and we set off for makan immediately! was freaking sleepy and hungry!ate alot of awesome junk food there everyday and i wouldnt get tired of it! went sight-seeing at a few places and everyday was shop, eat and walk. i think the cardio from hrs of walking is equivalent to me doing a mth of stationary bike here. on the whole, this was a short fun trip, but i think it would be better if the girls there could stop staring at me and asking for my number....but who could resist a babe-magnet?

December, 10th, 2005 Saturday

2005-12-11T01:08:00.000+08:00

Haven't been able to hit the weight room really hard this week cos there are too many things to be done. But whenever I've got a chance to wrap those hands 'round the cold iron bar, I make sure it won't be an easy workout. Did arms this evening. Was sorta out of gas. But I still grind out those presses and curls from hell. I still push myself to the limit. In fact, I pushed myself to the limit in almost everything I do.

At times during my life, I noticed people making excuses for their shortcomings. Even me myself did it. Think about it, every day we find ten reasons why we missed the mark. Be it training, work, family, or things in other areas of our lives. Maybe it's natural to seek a scapegoat rather than take personal responsibility. After all, personal responsibility is so out of fashion this season. Fuck it. We can do better… I know we can do better.

Whatever should befall you, I think we should at least try to resist the urge to make excuses. Ok, I do make up alot of excuses before, just to think that it was an easy way out. I mean, an excuse is a lot like a complaint--it insults everyone around you and makes you look silly and fucked up. A complete idiot who slaps himself with a bottle shafted up his ass walking along orchard road on saturday nights would best describe that.

Tough times make tough men, and if you can be tougher than the ground you walk on, you are tough enough to beat a path into this earth for others to recognize and follow. I think that would be a real accomplishment in this world of shrunken expectations and lost dignity.

December, 2nd, 2005 Friday

2005-12-02T23:26:00.000+08:00

Muscle dysmorphia is a bitch. And it is a part of every bodybuilder’s life. If you train hard and your goal is to get big, odds are you see yourself as small. Damn. Everyone is telling me i'm growing big, but i constantly see myself as small. Why do I endeavor to be huge? What was it in my formative years that skewed my vision of the ideal human form? Was it He-Man? Was it the comic books? Those superhero shoulders? Those monstrous arms that hoist sick faggots like yaokun like a rag doll and smash him on the wall?

Something went wrong somewhere along the way. For sick faggots like yaokun, he turned into a sick perverted gay. But for me, somewhat seems wrong, seems to be right. I became a superhero, a people's champ, or something like that. Part of it comes from the fact that I seek balance. I’ve always seen myself as an intellectual, but I’ve always sought to have my exterior match my mind. I also think the outer shell serves as armor. It protects the inner nice guy. And indeed I am. Damn it, quit giggling or there'll be no more Mr Nice guy. It allows me to be a sheep in wolf’s clothing. As you progress, your goals change. I remember being an average joe of 64kg before all the blood, tears and sweat in and out of the weight room. 3 yrs flew by and I'm hitting the scales at 88kg.

Then I hit 90kg by another half yr's time. But quickly i knew i was way too heavy and puffy. So i dropped from 90 to 78 in a 4 months diet phase. Now, back to 83.5kg, which i manage to put on 5kg in 1 1/2. I looked much better. Everyone in the gym is telling me i looked much better, and i was quite satisfied with the fact.

Every blood dripping rep, every teeth grinding set. That drive, that desire. That need to be better… To never be satisfied. It’s both a gift and a curse. What’s 90kg gonna look like again? I’ll let you know when I get there.

November, 22nd, Tuesday 2005

2005-11-22T23:20:00.000+08:00

When someone tells me, " Today is a light day. " The first question I ask them is, " Why is today a light day? " If you are trying to build muscle, what purpose does training light provide? If your prupose for training is to build muscle and strength then training with anything other than maximum overload is counter-productive. If your purpose for training light is because you just don't feel up to training heavy, then that's fine. You just have to suck it up and reside to the fact that this workout will not produce any muscle tissue growth.

Every workout should be heavy. Every workout should be intense. Every workout should be brief but thorough. Each workout for each muscle group should be followed by a recuperation period that allows that muscle group to fully recuperated and then, should another all out balls to the wall heavy workout for that muscle group to be performed again.

Anytime you do an exercise, anytime you do a rep,anytime you do a set, anytime you wrap yours hands around a bar, it should be done for one purpose - to build muscle. Why else are you lifting weights?

November, 14th, 2005 Monday(12:06am....)

2005-11-14T16:06:00.000+08:00

reminiscence

''...可惜不是你陪我到最後曾一起走却走失那路口
感谢那是你牵过我的手还能感受那温柔...''

...its a pity that you didn't stay with me till the end, we once walked together but we lost our way
i'm thankful that you once held my hand, still, i can feel the warmness and kindness...

tried my best to translate it. it was part of a chinese song i heard over the radio last nite when i was about to close my weary eyes. i was caught frozen. i just stared blankly at the ceiling lying on my bed. the memory monster attacked me again. my mind was like a giant magnet, attracting every bit and pieces of past events thats seems to be like iron dusts. i smiled and frowned. certain memories still pushes the tears out of my eyes. i shut the radio and fell back to bed, letting the memories flood my mind and i had no choice but to let it drown. there's no lifeline, there's no hiding from the memory monster......

November, 10th, 2005 Thursday

2005-11-11T14:52:00.000+08:00

EVIDENCE OF GROWTH

it has been a fucking month on this massing game
12 damn hrs of balls busting training every week
10 freaking scoops of protein everyday to make you puke
170.5lbs to 183lbs in 4weeks , could have been bigger without cardio
people had been commenting i'm getting huge again and looking better than the previous bulk
no bullshit, no slacking, no half fucked training, no steriods, just plain animal intensity
this is insane, this is torture, this is the price to pay
can you handle it?

November, 1st, 2005 Tuesday

2005-11-01T23:34:00.000+08:00

Every rep, every set done by someone who wants to look better than you just motivates you to train harder. You know that you can train harder and you do. There is no limit to how much weight you can move. You will force yourself to squeeze out that last rep on a dead lift or squat. When you leave you make sure that you made your presence felt by everyone in that gym. You want everyone leaving there to be afraid to train with you. “Fuck that, I can't and I ain't training with this sick freak'.” Those are the words I love to hear.

October, 23rd, 2005 Sunday

2005-10-24T11:25:00.000+08:00

This is a declaration of war. For far too long, the status quo has been tolerated. In fact, being average is not only allowed, it is encouraged. Your peers chastise you for striving, for struggling, for wanting more. They paint you as a dreamer. They want you to quit, they want you to fail, so they can feel better about their sorry lot. The less you make of yourself, the less they will be expected to accomplish. These are your sworn enemies. And while they may smile to your face, in private they pray for your demise. You must cut these cold, empty vessels out of your life like a malignant tumor and move on without hesitation. Waste none of your energy on these parasites who expect a free ride. Know that there are no birthrights. The only thing you are guaranteed at birth is death. You have a right to that. The rest is earned. You are entitled to nothing. Fuck a lottery ticket� I prefer to get mine the hard way. There is a war going on outside your cozy bedroom window-- An epic battle between the murderers of spirit and the architects of history. The critics vs. the conquerors. Which side are you on?

October, 13th, 2005 Thursday (10:51pm....)

2005-10-14T13:51:00.000+08:00

do it till i die

insane. i did 20 sets for chest today followed by cardio abs and arms and i almost died. still feeling pumped now. went for my follow-up appointment with the surgeon who help to fix my dislocation on my hand and he was shock to see me not wearing the splint they gave me to protect my hand. the splint is actually a plastic cast which somehow helps to protect the injured area from anyaccidental 'further damage'. i explained that my hand felt good and strong already(FYI i'm rack-pulling 3.5plates now), he insisted i should not lifts weights now and to lay off for a period of 6 weeks?!!? siao. lay off 6 weeks from the gym and i will die. screw him, i know myself best. if only he would be able to follow me to the weight room, he'll understand what i mean by my hand is good and strong.

nothing's gonna stop me. not even a dislocated hand. i once benched with a cracked ribcage. hah. and i don't even consider that hardcore. its in my blood, i need to lift heavy weights. and i'll do it till i die.

October, 4th, 2005 Tuesday

2005-10-05T14:48:00.000+08:00

small me

been slacking and not training religously recently. of course, there are too much emotional stress for me to handle and it sorta took its toll on me. took this shot delibrately to see how much i can grow in 2 months time. gotta push myself like what i used to do. i wanna be huge again. i wanna be freaky again. i wanna walk on the streets and make ppl turn their head and comment "thats monstrous" again. I will heave insane amount of weights in the gym again. I will make ppl question my workout whether its intensity or insanity again. watch out, the animal is coming again...

September, 28th, 2005 Wednesday(12:19am....)

2005-09-28T15:19:00.000+08:00

shit happens to me again and again. well, this time round, i completely dislocated my right hand's pinky finger bone that is conecting to the wrist bone. how does it feels? it was great. screw it, come to think of it, i could have broken and smashed the knuckles with that kind of force. damn. but still, its not gonna stop me from entering the weight room. screw the rules, screw the pain. and screw the one that is trying to tear me apart.

September, 23rd, 2005 Friday(12:17am....)

2005-09-23T15:17:00.000+08:00

交给你的心，你抛去哪了.....
我们曾经有过的一切，你可否记得....
无奈秋风这般冷，阵阵吹寒心头，心虚与内疚，是你最后的回应.....
你的世界从来容不下我的痴情，而明知故犯，我是个傻子.....
过去的情景像电影，渐渐浮现在眼前，每一幕都让我有说不出口的心痛......
我不愿相信我的真心，最后换来一场绝情.....
不愿相信你的心对我情如此残忍.....

September, 20th, 2005 Tuesday(12:00am!!)

2005-09-20T15:00:00.000+08:00

good things do happens. guess what. monstajoe calls and is bringing me 10kg of protein powder!!! this is just crazy. the protein came just at the right time! i'll be out of protein in 2 days time and joel really saves the day! thanks my brudder! i think i'll be getting huge again......

September, 19th, 2005 Monday(10:49pm....)

2005-09-20T13:49:00.000+08:00

谁在乎我的心里有多苦
谁在意我的明天去何处
这条路究竟多少崎岖多少坎坷途
我和你早以没有回头路
我的爱藏不住
任凭世界无情的摆布
我不怕痛不怕输
只怕是再多努力也无助
如果说一切都是天意一切都是命运终究已注定
是否能再多爱一天能再多看一眼伤会少一点
如果说一切都是天意一切都是命运谁也逃不离
无情无爱此生又何必

September, 12th, 2005 Monday(11:55pm....)

2005-09-13T00:03:00.000+08:00

everything in life comes to an end. this day, i was strong, i didn't drop a tear. i agreed to let you go. not that it doesn't mean a thing to me, but because i knew this is the best way out for the both of us. because i really want you to be happy. it doesn't matter, it doesn't really matter, if all the things i did for you didn't meant a thing to you, it doesn't matter if you weren't a least bit touched. i had fulfiled my role. i had done my very best. i pushed myself to the extreme. yet, this had to happen. i was devastated. i was driven to the point of getting insane. i wanted to cry out loud, there were just no tears. my heart had been mercilessly slashed again. but i kept my cool. i bit my tongue and hung on. this is life. i just had to struggle on without you. i think i'll be just fine. this isn't the first time. i think i'll take it well. i think i'll get used to it. shit happens in life, but maybe, there are just too many obstacles and pain in my life. i don't blame anyone. i shouldn't. many things in life are unpredictable. who's so sure that he'll live pass today? cuz in life, nothing is promised, nothing is certain apart from death. today is just slipping away, and tomorrow's just ain't promised.

你要我的爱我学不来, 眼睁睁的看情变坏, 人怔怔的看情感概...不能给你未来我还你现在,
不想用言语拉扯所以选择不责怪, 安静的结束也是另一种对待...
当我的眼泪流下来, 伤已超载, 分开也是另一种明白...
我给你最后的疼爱是手放开...

September, 2nd, 2005 Friday(1:28am....)

2005-09-02T16:28:00.000+08:00

some lift to show off to their friends
some lift to boost their pathetic confidence
some lift to be the hottest bod on the beach
some lift to stand on the stage
some lift to look good for the summer
some lift to be huge
some lift for fun
some lift for the fame
some lift for the glory in it
some lift for the sake of lifting

I lift for the love like no others. I'm prepared to take it that far....are you ready?

September, 1st, 2005 Thursday(1:18am....)

2005-09-02T01:16:00.000+08:00

fwahhh....time really flies, its a new month again. lets all pray that it'll be a good one. did something today that i think for the first time in maybe 5yrs? or maybe 10? in the hot, scorching, head busting sunny afternoon, i found myself sitting quietly in a corner of the library reading and jotting downs important notes and formulaes on engineering mechanics. insane? yeah. couldn't believe myself either, i was actually behaving like a studious student seriously flipping those pages and looking through every single damn formula. i tell you, damn it, thats actually more taxing then supersetting deadlifts with squats. I'm sorta brain-dead after the 4hrs in the library. while i was taking a breather in between, some thoughts popped up. this year, this year alone, alot of changes and experiences i experienced like no other. i think being 25 really means something. you are inbetween, you need to decide, you need to learn and learn things the hard way. i've got my licence this year, got into a relationship this year, got screwed big time at work this year, never get promotion this year, resigned this year, found a terrific job(hopefully so!) this year, got into shit loeads of debts this year, kept my hair long this year, and shitloads more....
so, i think something big is going to happen...i don't know, but i just felt so, and something tells me its gonna be good.
there was once a wise person told me; ' hey lad, don't look so depressed. believe something. if you sufferred when you are young, you will be rewarded when you aged and old. bad luck won't follow you forever, have a taste of bitter first and you'll like the taste of sweetness.'

August, 31st, 2005 Wednesday(1:42am....)

2005-08-31T01:38:00.000+08:00

I'm on leave for the whole damn week before beginning me new job next week. really get to rest and sleep well...not to mention eating tons too...eheheh
Last friday was my last day at the fuck up company, I was feeling sorta high the whole day, but not until knocking off time, I had this undescribable mixed feeling in me. To be honest, I felt rather sad. sad to leave this torture chamber that I stayed for 2 and 1/2yrs. crazy? nope. I'm just a very emotional person. especially those buddies there...love ya guys.
However sad, I held back my tears and bid everyone there a goodbye and set off to have a farewell dinner with my colleagues at east coast. had a sumptous dinner and I think I almost ate till I felt like puking. Its was a Hawaiian buffet and the food were served in huge portions. the apetizers already got me half fulled! dig that?
After which we went to a shitty live band pub called the mandalay bay, it was just crap....
so now with a few more days to rot at home, I'll try to grow some mushrooms and fungus while I can.....

August, 22nd, 2005 Monday

2005-08-23T02:52:00.001+08:00

yeah. this is going to be my last damn week in this sick company. really felt very much relieved...leaving this shit hole at last....but, somehow, I felt that I'm gonna miss all my work buddies there cuz these bunch of fuckers are really nice guys and we're like brothers man...but still, I know that I must leave...for my career, for my life, for my future...

yesterday was hell in the weight room. I was actually sick enough to follow some sick freak routines in the mags. it was called the '20 reps squat' routine... i call it the '20 reps to hell ass buster'. here's a recap....

after some warm ups on the leg press and legs extension machines, I step up to the squat rack to confront the ass busting routine. It started out with a 1 1/2plates squat, don't laugh, try squat that ass to the ground for 20 full reps and see if you could still laugh. Immediately after the squats, grab a 25kg dumbell and pound out 20 reps of pull overs, and i bet you are turning purple can't even breathe properly.

take a 3min break and continue with 3plates calf raises for 20 reps and followed by 12 reps of one plate stiff legged deadlift. now, you thought your legs are gone cuz them felt so damn numb! ok, slap your thighs, wake up and walk to the bench. you though you were strong? after all that shit i could only bench a plate, 2 sets, 12 reps, but not quite done, not even near. next, you land your ass on the incline bench and pound out another 12 reps at one plate.

Now, you would really wish you didn't get started in this shit routine and wanted to go home. next, grab the damn barbell loaded with only a plate, again, don't laugh, a one plate row now is really tough i tell you, i am nearly outta breath! row it for 12 reps and you would really believe that you are dying by now. in the midst of me wondering whether am i dying, i am already completing rep6 of 12 of the behind the neck press, i'm really struggling with the weights, my triceps are completely fried and legs starting to tremble.

Ok, catch some breath and talking of the fried triceps, close grip bench is next on the menu. i tell youby the 3rd rep of 12, i really think i am superman, cuz no moron would be able to still close grip bench one plate at this point of the workout!!! ok, superman steps outta the bench and hits the biceps with barbell curls, i thought for a moment i pop something in the elbow, but i still hung on for 12 reps, good reps. shit.

why am i doing this shit to myself? am i sick? maybe. the whole shit routine ended with dips to failure and after that i thought i saw arnie's arms on me!!!and when i got home, i couldn't even talk or thinkproperly...all i knew was to get showered and sleep. and i woke up this morning with this nice burning sensation of soreness all over my olympia calibre body...i was walking around like having bowling balls between my groin...fuck

August, 19th, 2005 Friday

2005-08-20T02:27:00.000+08:00

Untitled

I think they sang exactly how I feel and what I'm going thru...every single word just seems to break me into pieces, I couldn't explain how it feels...everytime the song plays, my mind seems to freeze in its own realm, reminiscing... thanks simpleplan. here it goes.....

I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

August, 15th, 2005 Monday

2005-08-15T13:53:00.000+08:00

痛

其实我心里很清楚
给我的爱已经很模糊
到底我犯了什么错误
被判在深渊不得救赎
你明知道我的无助
却一次一次让我哭

天让我这样的苦一再重复没有退路
没有结束没有勇气逃开这条路
我对你那么在乎那么辛苦
拼命追逐你的脚步难道注定面对天摆布
爱胜在付出
痛也要痛的刻骨
不到最后我决不推出

其实我心里更痛苦
看你的世界只能模糊
究竟天藏了什么埋伏
要我们相爱不给幸福
如果爱要粉身碎骨
何不全部由我背负
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
我真的不知道你在想的是什么，我的心感觉好害怕，有一种莫名巨大的悲伤悄悄降临在我的身旁
我一切用心规划的梦想，如今看来是那么勉强。我看不透你的想法，多么可怕的想法，怎么去爱，都是惩罚
我看不透你的想法，多么伤心的想法，怎么决定，都是一场渺茫，怎么选择，都是一场心伤...

August, 12th, 2005 Friday

2005-08-13T09:30:00.000+08:00

Now, I'm seriously beginning to doubt myself, to question myself. Am I really happy with my arrangement of life that I thought would eventually come to something good, something to rejoice about. Things are really getting out of hand and somehow too much for me to handle. I always refuse to bow down and back of from any sorts of obstacles in life, I'm always stubborn, I always pushed myself on, living on the faith in myself.

And now at this cross road, I don't know where to head to make myself happy. Not long ago I asked a good friend of mine, "what do you really want to be when you grow up?" obviously I'm trying to be funny with him cuz all of us are grown ups now. but what he replied struck something into me, Mr Monsta said,"I wanna be happy." such a simple answer and why does it takes so many people so much of a thinking to reply?

I thought to myself, thats the best answer I've got. And I wanna be happy too. Am I really happy now? Its a big no. but I guess I brought along all these heartaches to myself, what do I have left to say and answer to myself? I owe myself an explaination. I was dumbfolded.

Why do I have to be so persisting, hard headed and stubborn? I thought that I was all the while pouring water over fire to cease it, instead, what I'm pouring is kerosene. I laughed at myself. I find myself being a big joke. some people, I think are just not worth it what you do for them. Maybe I'm the one that's too silly, too naive. thinking that they would appreciate you more after all that you've done for them. And maybe what I always believe is always wrong. I believe that good days would follow after the bad ones, believing that I'll always see the rainbows after the rain, but hell. maybe I've got them all wrong.......

August, 8th, 2005 Monday

2005-08-09T03:02:00.000+08:00

Its a bloody monday again. but, somehow, it seems different from the other mondays where you drag your tired, weekend-consumed ass thru. Always had alot of events in mind to write about, but whenever I sat myself infront of the pc, those things just refused to flow, and fingers became numb...
Alright, I think I shall drill a hole at my temple and let the thoughts ooz out first...gimme a minute...
Yeah, thats more like it, I've got them flowing now.
The past week was a hell of a week for me. went for a second interview with the MD of the US company which I wish to land my ass in. It went fine and I beat the other candidate for the position of tooling design engineer. I was happy, but at the same time felt a little sad.
I was happy for myself that i finally secured the job and had the chance to leave this god damn mother fucking company I work in. I was a little sad cuz once I agreed to hop over to the new place, I would miss this coming trip to melbourne to visit my sister, which I haven't got to see her for more than 1/2 a year. But I think I should be more rational rather than emotional this time round and I chose the job.
The other reason that I'll be a little sad is that I would be leaving my work buddies in this fucked up company soon. I've know these fuckers for 2 years plus. and our friendship had grown tremendously during this period. They are a bunch of insane fellas. We became buddies. not just colleagues. but you know, when you've gotta go, you gotta go. i believe that our friendship will still hold.
And today, would be the start of my final 3 weeks in this sick place. I tendered my resignation last friday together with another fellow design engineer, which somehow cause some upturns in the company which I didn't really expected. We were all along while being taken for granted and till the point of our resignation, we were actually somehow 'appreciated' and asked to stay on.
That guy was sorta a 'jerk' who likes to show off and not many ppl like him. However, I had to reluctantly agree that he did quite alot for the company and wasn't being appreciated. His style of resigning was cool, he tendered and left on the spot that day. He said any minute more in this company would make him puke. I couldn't agree more to that. But the reason of me giving a month's notice is that I still believe, I should settle everything before I leave, and not to leave a bad impression, you know, this is a small world, we wouldn't know whether would our paths still crosses in the near future in anyways. I'm not trying to act god here, but this is what I think a responsible and sensible person should do.
My resignation went quite smoothly at first cuz I knew that the asshole manager would be more than happy to see me leave. He didn't liked me from my first week of work here. I didn't liked him either. so since I don't like him, I decided to hate him to the core. He did all sorts of unimaginable nasty shit to me, that makes me wonder I'm going to work everyday or just going to hell. But being a determined and hard-headed moron, I persevered on like a naive child thinking that my hard work would somehow be recognised and appreciated. But I was horribly wrong. I just see myself falling deeper into the shit hole everyday. I need to help myself for god's sake.
He received my letter and seemed happy, he was smiling away when he spoke to me regarding my resignation. I was quite pissed and told him straight to his shit face that I am resigning and that was my resignation letter, I don't see anything funny about that. The smile was immediately cut off from his shit face. After that I just left his desk without saying anything more, I was disgusted by this mother fucking piece of dung.
Shortly, I was called up for a meeting with the sales manager, when he got to know about my resignation. Now, this guy is the only man in the company I respected. he actually asked me to cool down and think about the resignation again. He asked me to stay on to help him. But all I could say to him is 'sorry'. I had enough of the shit and blame being put on me for all these time. It was quite alot for him to take cuz 2 of the design engineers helping him tendered in a single day. His projects would surely screw up.
Come saturday afternoon, while I was enjoying the 'lost' marathon on axn, big boss of the company called me up and asked me why I wanted to leave. now, thats quite cool. He said he wanted to speak to me personally this wednesday. ahah, seems like I've gotta prepare myself a speech to 'impress' them.....we'll see....

July, 30th, 2005 Saturday

2005-07-30T17:59:00.000+08:00

The stairs creak as you put one foot after another down in front of you. The faded grunts of exertion and the faint clang of bars and weight stacks are growing louder as you approach. The time will soon be at hand. The muscles underneath your skin shake as your mind fires the warning impulse into it. The pace of your heart is quickening… Your mind draws on the trauma of workouts in past days. That smell… There it is. It rushes up your nostrils. I never quite knew how to describe it, the sum of all the elements in the weight room rush into your senses. Fear. Excitement. Pain. Defeat. Victory. It's all there for you to breathe in. Walk through the doors. Don't sit… Don't catch up on current events… Don't fall in love. Get ready for TOTAL WAR. Breathe in everybody else's wasted energy. No, fuck that. Straight up take their energy from them. That is what I do. I scan the weight room as my energy fades, see the people standing around and doing nothing. See the waste, see the energy in the air, that could be yours. Feel the surge in your body as you prepare for war. There is no time to study, no time to say sorry, no time for half measures and talk. The only thing left to do is attack. He said, she said, they said… WHO GIVES A FUCK? Become what you need to be. Become wrath. Become a slave to your power. Become the master of demise, the DOOMSAYER.

July, 29th, 2005 Friday

2005-07-30T04:57:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, to keep progressing, you have to go out of your way to humble yourself. Like some always said, "I don't compare myself to the people I see everyday--that is the best way to be the big dog in a small pound for the rest of my days". Screw that. You've gotta keep some damn perspective.

Step the fuck out of your comfort zone and put yourself in your place. You are only as good as the elements, people and places you surround yourself with; even if the 'succeeding in this lifetime' is only in your head… Will your acomplisments be some local stiffs or the best of the best? Only you can decide.

July, 24th, 2005 Sunday(3:11am....)

2005-07-24T18:11:00.000+08:00

Most of the time, to me, things are easier said than done. Especially for person like me. I’ve always been the all or nothing type. It’s just who I am… love me or hate me. And it ain’t always a good thing. My heart is on my sleeve. With that sort of approach to life comes much heartache, hardship and disappointment. I also feel that it is the only way to be if you are to truly get what you want out of life.

Quite obviously, it is a double edged sword. It makes victory all the sweeter and loss totally devastating. It’s hot or cold, black or white. I’ve got no time or interest in lukewarm or gray. I’m “all in” from the flop. Either you are with me or against me. If I’m in your corner, I’ve got your back to the end. This mindset can make you the best friend, the best spouse, and the best teammate in the world. It can also set you up to be taken advantage of or taken for granted. You take for granted the axle that holds the wheels on your car, until that fucker snaps and you end up in a ditch on the side of the highway. My advice is live hard and die hard and love hard in between. Cuz tomorrow ain’t promised and today is slipping away...

July, 20th, 2005 Wednesday(11:44pm....)

2005-07-20T23:40:00.000+08:00

pain; a state of physical, emotional, or mental lack of well-being or physical, emotional, or mental uneasiness that ranges from mild discomfort or dull distress to acute often unbearable agony, may be generalized or localized, and is the consequence of being injured or hurt physically or mentally or of some derangement of or lack of equilibrium in the physical or mental functions and that usually produces a reaction of wanting to avoid, escape, or destroy the causative factor and its effects.

and how would you define pain? to me, pain has taken its extreme measures on me, till pain become numb.
physical pain. i took it to the extreme. no physical pain has been able to put me down, not till now. Pain; I tore my ligament completely off from the thigh bone and shin bone, and I managed to limp all the way home. Pain; I plunged a german fillet knife right into my palm, I literally saw the flesh, blood and bone, wrap it with a towel with blood oozing out profusely and got myself to sew it up at a clinic without anesthetic. Pain; I broke my ribcage, I almost couldnt breathe, its just the damn bar and me. I still rep out heavy sets of bench till i felt it moving. Now tell me what is pain.

Ive been taking physical pain so well. never would I realise that I still loose the battle with emotional pain. it almost pushed me to the point of insanity, to the point of losing my soul. those pain, I really couldnt find enough words to describe them. I dont know how to take them, i dont know how to take the pain. I just couldnt summon enough energy to fight it. I am always losing. I bared all the faults and mistakes that wasnt mine, and still, i couldnt keep it from coming. time and again, you have to bring things to the extreme, you have to bring upon the pain. you inflict those excrutiating pain and got away everytime, leaving me wounded time and again. I dont know till which day, would I be awaken from my dreams that be it wide awake or dreaming, you are never there for me. your words, as though they were knives slashing mercilessly on my heart, your actions, as though kerosense, setting the flames and burning me alive. do you know how unbearable it was, i think you will never know.
you have to hurt me, you have to. time and again, time and again. what have i done to deserve this, i really could find no answer. Now please tell me how to deal with this pain....

July, 12th, 2005 Tuesday(12:01am....)

2005-07-11T23:51:00.000+08:00

Strength lies in those who would not look away from truth

Just as I had predicted with my super psychic powers, Ms Yaokun had showed its petty gay instincts again by whining, cursing and calling me bad names in his totally sick and low class blog. But its all okay, I shall not be angry with a little girl like him.

Had been trying hard to get back to the old form of mine. did pretty well for the week before last, but not until last tuesday, where the hardcore weight heaving machine broke down. I literally threw out everything I ate on monday night. I was running a fever and felt horribly weak. It was a blow for me as I was gaining back the form and size, but thats just another sick joke that had to be played on me. someone just wanna nail me to the ground.

But I was unrelenting, I stuffed myself with protein and carbs on wednesday and not realising I was still having the disgesting problem, I felt fucking bloated. The worse thing was I couldnt train. I was just too bloated and and head grew heavy.

I eventually made myself rest till friday until I was able to meet my old friends again, the rusty dumbells....
didnt had a good pump though cos I was still pretty nutrient depleted. But I still managed to get some blood into the damn biceps and triceps.

So from all these shit things that happened, I have realised that I should never be a person to run between the rain drops. I had figured out that we all need to get a little wet from time to time. This world, is made of dust and water, diamonds and rocks. It is wonderfully ridiculous and supremely sublime, all at once.

This life... It's everything and it's nothing at the same time. It's beautiful and disgusting and that's pretty much okay. It's messy, it's nasty and lowdown, and that’s okay too. Damn. It's all okay. It's okay because all these elements have a distinct and necessary purpose in this realm, in this freaking world, and in our lives. You have to be willing to accept the dirt if you want the diamonds.

There is life and there is death and I know that my time will come too, and for me, that’s okay. Truly there are many, many wonders to behold in this world, but can there possibly be more wonderful than our own lives? To walk, run, swim, drive, even to fly… All we need do is simply conceive of these notions and then act them out. The wonders are part of the mundane. Wait… Are we onto something here? To think, to conceive, and then to act. This process is simply amazing.

I say this because the simplicity of the concept is so obvious, it often eludes even the most wise of us. The first step of any journey is the most difficult. It is also the most exciting. We come from dust but we can shape diamonds. Our bodies are fragile yet we push through pain and disability, through triumph and defeat. Our minds are cluttered, and yet we create beautiful objects and art. We are the underdogs of the universe, and we will beat back the shadow of our mortality with defiance and rage. We will fly forth with swarming energy and one resolve. We will not be forgotten… Strength lies in those who would not look away from truth. We are, we will be, and we must remain. Some of us will shine, but if it's all the same to you, I prefer to rust. Rage and focus be your guide. We will find our place my friend.

July, 1st, 2005 Friday

2005-07-02T05:02:00.001+08:00

The Freaksville Five

Okay, its been sometime since I post something about bodybuilding. and can see each and everyone of you FreakyJerry wannabes coping with the addiction of my articles and pics. I laid off from bodybuilding for sometime and some reasons, but I'm making a quick come back so you assclowns woudn't be disappointed.

Amazingly, without all the protein, low Gi carbs, supplements, 8 meals a day, and balls to the wall training, my awesome physique still holds. I don't know why, but I think its the superior genetics I have. Don't blame me, don't even blame yourself, just put the bloody blame on your parents and fore fathers. Below are some sick freak routines if you assclowns(ie; yaokun, kangming) wanna be like me. okay yaokun I know, you would be complaining like a girl that you have abs, c'mon faggot, besides abs, the rest of your body looks like whats left in the toilet bowl after squatting from a terrible stomach upset. yeah....go ahead and whine...curse and swear....thats what a girl like you would do...

Thats me, your Mr Perfect. This snapshot was taken in the gym by one of my female fans using her lousy cell phone. She was caught red handed by me and only agreed to surrender me this pic after I gave her my sweaty gym towel with my autograph on it. She went totally berserk after I hand her the towel...........

This is the Freaksville Five....

Deadlift
Get up, get low and yank that bitch off the floor. The deadlift is as bare bones and as point blank as it gets. You think you're strong? Prove it. A bodybuilding staple born out of its powerlifting roots, the deadlift is no pretty boy exercise. It makes you strain and grit your teeth… It causes you to spit and curse… It beats you to a pulp and leaves you sore for days. Include a few sets of these back busters at the beginning or end of your next back session and witness their physique altering effects. Blasting the lumbars, lats, rhomboids, traps, glutes, hammies, abs, bis and forearms, the deadlift is simply too powerful a movement to ignore.

Squat
It takes a rare breed to stand up to adversity, to carry the weight of the world across your shoulders and rise to the occasion. The squat is the personification of the human struggle. Man conquering the elements, raw strength in its purest form. The human body must struggle to properly execute the squat while still being able to walk upright the next day. The muscle groups of the upper torso unite to support the loaded barbell--the ironclad union of the delts, traps, lats and arms work to lock the weight into place. The lower back and abs protect the core against the crushing weight above. The quads and hammies steady the weight as the descent begins. In the depths of the hole, the glutes initiate the explosion that sends the load skyward. At the top the quads fire on all pistons as the weight is squeezed to lockout. The grittiest of the hardcore the squat'll grow every inch of you.

Pullover
You say you wanna be thick assclowns? This is your exercise. Grab a meaty dumbbell and lay across a bench, placing your shoulders and neck on the pad. Holding it with both hands, and keeping your arms relatively straight, lower the dumbbell behind your head and focus on the massive stretch as it takes your breath away. Raise the dumbbell slowly until it is suspended perilously above your mug and contract every muscle in your torso. Upper pecs, lats, serratus, abs and tris, this overlooked sick movement tears down the house. Overlooked for far too long, dumbbell pullovers deserve their moment in the sun.

Bench
PressLike fighting against an elephant sitting on your chest, the bench press requires every ounce of effort the Animal can muster. You've got two options: push back or get pancaked. This sort of life or death struggle yields big results: a densely armored breastplate, with shelf-like upper pecs and lower pecs that are so thick and heavy that they fold over. Not to mention front delts that pop and ham hocks for triceps. You have to do them right, however, or they'll do you wrong. Bring it or don't bother benching at all. Screw the ego pressing of the halfwits in your hood, these bad boys must be done properly. Hold the weight at arms' length and control that shit. Lower the bar slowly and under control, like a spring being compressed. At the bottom explode out of the pit and drive towards the ceiling. Squeeze your pecs into lockout, envisioning juicing a grapefruit. Prioritize these on chest day and watch your pecs blow the fuck up.

Shrug
Nothing says power like big fucking traps, which most of you assclowns lack off, unlike me. For a movement with one of the shortest ranges of motion, the shrug pays huge dividends. Knotting yourself into a heaving ball of muscle, the shrug makes you appear to be growing even as you perform the exercise. Nothing short of all out effort can be tolerated with shrugs, which can be executed in a number of different fashions, standard barbell, behind the back barbell, dumbbell, all to the benefit of your overall physique. Blasting your traps, delts and forearms simultaneously, dedication to hardcore shrugging over time will make it appear that your head is simply sitting directly atop gigantic traps. Screw it, having a neck is overrated any damn way.

There you have it assclowns, the Freaksville Five. Do it and don't you whine.

June, 27th, 2005 Sunday(12:24pm....)

2005-06-27T00:23:00.000+08:00

hey ya. its been another week. not a really a good one. went pubbing last nite till quite late. didnt drink much, but somehow, some memories keep flashing back. thats just full of shit. its really getting bad. i sat there, 3am, tired, exhausted, and suffocating myself with those memories that i just won't want to bring up again. I felt numb. Jestina kept asking whether i was fine. I was, i think...
woke up to a lazy sunday. you know, on those days where you just felt that you could rot on the couch infront of the tv set. but in the end, i though i wanted a breather, and so i went to the weight room once more. relentlessly pounding those cold iron. i felt my soul there. its that feeling you get when you found your soul, your true self. down on protein shakes and went to gnc to get some powder.
the day went fine, until someone spoil the whole damn day. never did you step in my shoes, never did you try to feel what i feel. you are cruel. how could you....

June, 20th, 2004 Monday(7:21pm...)

2005-06-20T19:14:00.000+08:00

yup. thats my new toy my sis got for me this birthday except that the dial is glossy blue. someone sing me a damn birthday song pls. Its my birthday today and I'm still in office now. but not too bad, got some greetings from frens and my sis from melb. hell, talking about melb. its been a damn year since I came back from visiting my sis. missed that place. food was good, ppl were good, environment was good. think will be going there soon again. *sign* another year older, getting nearer to the 30 mark. 5 more damn years.... scary thought.
life has been bumpy these years...but it also brought me closer to the real world. made me understand and learned lessons that are inevitable and valuable. and some sayings are really really true.....
nothing can't be let go of, nothing can't be forgotten.....

June, 16th, 2005 Thursday

2005-06-17T00:57:00.000+08:00

its been awhile since I made an entry here. well, life is getting more hectic and bad, as usual, guess I just had to live thru this shit. still looking for better job options out there, hopefully one comes by and I'll be able to get myself outta this sick and pathetic place I work in. had been able to get a better grip of myself as in emotionally and mentally. I find myself breathing more easily. Just try to look things at a more positive way and everything would seems much better. anyway, there are much more ppl that are more unfortunate than me, compared to them, I'm just going thru peanuts maybe. as the saying goes, "what does not destroy me makes me stronger". Just have to keep bashing thru those walls....

June, 6th, 2005 Monday

2005-06-06T11:23:00.000+08:00

hell. its all coming back to me again. its all coming back. i thought i could get through it. but i never thought i was so weak. the more i tried to suppress it, the more helpless i am to it. i woke up to a cold morning at 5. sitting there like a stone and reminiscing. i don't know what brought back those events and memories. i really don't. and i could do nothing to stop them flashing back. clearly and slowly, one by one, without any premonition, they kept on repeating themselves and playing back like a record. i can't believe i'm acting like this. i know its insane. i know it crazy. i just sat there staring at the wall, as if there was a show going on. there are so much laughter and joy, so much. but why, why must it bring on the heartache after all these happy and blissful moments.

June, 2nd, 2005 Thursday

2005-06-02T23:51:00.000+08:00

alright. enough is enough. stop using my photos in your sick blog you sick assclown. this movie poster is for your lastest show featuring you raping little boys outside your void deck under your block. I didn't tape those sick events down. t128h and LKP did. they threathened me if i don't do a poster similar to the box office blockbuster 'infernal affairs' aka ' 无间道', they are are going to reveal to my die hard fans my address and cell phone number. I have no choice you see sick ass, i just anyhow do one for them. anyway, you should thank me for personalising a poster for you. keo tio right...knn.....

May, 25th, 2005 Wednesday

2005-05-25T09:16:00.000+08:00

I have a friend, a good friend of mine, that always remind me to live life with a smile. I think I will now my friend. After some very very deep thoughts, I realised that I shouldn't be so hard headed, shouldn't be so stubborn, shouldn't be so obstinate anymore. Learn to unclench and open up that fist that I've been grasping so tight for so long, too long in fact, and I'll breathe more easier and be more contented. Learn that I shouldn't place my expectations too high on someone or something, and my disappointment wouldn't be directly proportionate to it. Life goes on. Yesterday is just the dust on the shelf. Today is what I've got. With or without someone by my side, I still have to face life with a smile. But maybe with someone by my side to share my life, there will be more laughter and happiness. without that someone, I just have to share the joy with my incomplete self.

May, 22nd, 2005 Sunday(12:15pm....)

2005-05-21T17:46:00.000+08:00

rear lats spread.

hell yeah.

make no mistake.

cut that shocked look.

close your damn gap.

feel free download for keeps.

this is my back.

May, 12th, 2005 Thursday

2005-05-12T09:23:00.000+08:00

I've learned that its imperative to have courage when times may fail. Be not afraid to make a change. Take a chance on the inevitable. Make a difference in everything you do. Be the person who you were meant to be. Success is not born; it is made by those who seek to see the difference in everything, turning the impossible into a possible success.

May, 9th, 2005 Monday

2005-05-09T13:46:00.000+08:00

Love, it has so many beautiful faces,
Sharing lives and sharing days...
My love, it had so many empty spaces,
I'm sharing a memory now,
I hope that's how it stays...
Now I'm deep inside love and still breathing,
She is holding my heart in her hand...
I'm the closest I've been to believing,
This could be love forever...
All throughout my life the reasons I've demanded...
But how can I reason with the reason I'm a man...
In a minute, I'm needing to hold her,
In an hour, I'm cold, cold as stone...
When she leaves it gets harder and harder to face life alone....
Now my dreams are filled with times when we're together...
Guess what I need from her,
is forever love...

May, 9th, 2005 Monday(12:25am....)

2005-05-09T00:17:00.000+08:00

请你原谅我的坦白

你为何不乾脆灭绝我对爱情的憧憬
让我尽情的流泪，心碎
泪乾了不再後悔
心碎了不再执着
让我知道爱上了错的人
是这辈子最失败的误会

May, 8th, 2005 Sunday(11:47pm...)

2005-05-09T00:00:00.000+08:00

i don't know what to say now. i don't know how to deal with the indescribable pain now. i don't even find a reason to breathe now. why? why you must do this to me again. am i of no importance to you at all? am i just redundant? is everything you showed just an illusion? or am i just a puppet that has its strings attached to your fingers and you just slowly rip the strings one by one to let me lose my life? you know something? i've brought myself too far. too far to a point of no return. i feel worse than dying now. i feel like crying, but the tears are flowing in my heart. i ask for nothing, maybe if you could just take a minute to think of how would i feel if you were me, you would maybe...just maybe understand what is it like to be ripped apart deep inside. i would now certainly prefer death than living without a soul. what you did was like you looking into my eyes and telling me you want me to die. i think nothing in this world could compare to this kind of feeling. absolutely nothing.

May, 5th, 2005 Thursday

2005-05-05T13:56:00.000+08:00

somehow it felt rotten when you are taken for granted. you felt like a complete idiot. you do things to make a clown out of yourself and still hope that what you did was worth it and ppl would appreciate it. what did i do wrong to deserve all these?

May, 2nd, 2005 Monday(11:33pm....)

2005-05-02T23:33:00.000+08:00

is a holiday today. a long weekend for the past week. i'm getting a hang of it i think. for the situations i'm in i mean. i think it should be the way. one step at a time. its a better weekend this time round i think. didn't really get myself too wasted...or did i? ha. don't really understand what's the defination of being able to survive. its rather complex you see. survival to some, maybe be solely being able to stay alive, but to some, survival means more than breathing and exhaling, its about being able to control your destiny. thats why i say when we chose the path we had to walk, we are already controlling our destiny. but in whichever path you chose for yourself, you must have faith in yourself first, before even taking the first step.
took a good reflection at myself. i've seen what i've become. i've succumbed under the elements of stress. i don't see my good old self anymore. i've indeed seen the weaker side of me. i don't like that feeling at all. and i'm not going to sit and wait for miracles like you guys out there. i'm not going to whine about how tough life is anymore. yes, i do question. but sometimes, i already have the answer in my heart. i need nobody to tell me what to do anymore. i remember i don't used to be like this, this is not jerry. its just the devil thats trying to eat me up thats showing its form. i want my damn old self back, i want the confident me back, i want the happy me back. and i'm going to battle with whatever that hold me back from getting myself inplace. screw the rules in life. i am the rules.

May, 1st, 2005 Sunday(2:44am....)

2005-05-01T02:42:00.000+08:00

i don't know how the hell did i still managed to login. i'm pretty wasted now. just don't feel good. just don't feel right. its like being short-changed of something...taken for granted for whatever reasons. this whole life of mine, i've been searching for reasons for every event that took place. but its this attitude that i sometimes got myself into some serious upset feeling. why do i have to keep on searching when there's no reason. why, am i still so hard headed. why, am i so reluctant to bow down to fate..... and why, i've got myself so fucking wasted week after week... why...i guess nobody would have the damn answer. i guess only the guy up high above know what i'm going through. and i hope he is not yet again playing some sick jokes on me....

April, 28th, 2005 Thursday

2005-04-28T13:38:00.000+08:00

相爱不如相知,与其执着痴念,不如化为祝福
不要让你爱的人,被你的爱所磨蚀
相反的,以你的爱让她得到力量,展翅高飞
假若真的有缘,就算过了千年,心仍会在一起
真正爱一个人,必定以她的幸福当作是你最大的幸福
但那份付出的爱该怎么收回我想没人能办得到
只好把她深藏在心里刻在永不磨灭的回忆里
或许一天她会恍然发现真正爱她的人
为她的梦想宁愿独自背负着痛楚
也不愿让她感觉到一丝一毫负担
也许很傻，也许说再多她也不会懂
但为了她，为了爱，一切都值得

April, 28th, 2005 Thursday(1:17am....)

2005-04-28T01:17:00.000+08:00

sometimes, when you know that she had dreams that are far more elusive than yours, you know, you had to let her fulfill them. even its about sacrifizing your own dreams, your own desire. everyone is selfish, everyone wants to live their dreams, who gives a damn about what your dreams are. I do. I know what her dreams are and would do whatever I could to let her accomplish that even if it comes to making myself sacrificial. I'm not that great. but I will do whatever it takes. when she wants to fly, you have to let her fly. do whatever I can and never look back. I hope she would be contented with what she has eventually. contentment is the key to eternal happiness within one. and all I want is her to be happy. I guess the road down the my chosen path is even more winding now. but I'll continue to push through. to get to the part where I'll finally deserve what I've been persevering for. life is a game. at the end of the day, you either win or you lose. no in between. no compromising.